An Ex Shrink

Only certain times do I get all of him. Most of the time I get a little bit here and there, but when in person I get it all. Its usually only a short period of time though. Its then when I become everything to him again. Im his lover, his friend and his shrink. Its something I lost at the end of our relationship. We were once so close and so strong and now we are just two people with a past, that cant seem to let go. We started off unbreakable, I was the one he could Always talk to without judgement and he was very open about everything. It ended suddenly and very Jagged.

Now were back to the  wrestle, play, talk and laugh about things, us, even thought were not together. Its a odd relationship, him and I, for my life once revolved around this man and now, I live my single life whilst he lives his new life with his newer lover. We don’t get much alone time together anymore but when we do, I get to talk to him about his troubled life her with him. Sometimes I feel bad for her, most of the time I don’t. I try to get him to see her point of view and get him to understand her feelings. See, she is the new me. She now lives the life I lived with this man and that includes all the bullshit involved, in the same home he and I shared. She knew about me and now she doesn’t, So I know EXACTLY what she is feeling and thinking, She is me. I guess I’m giving him the advice that he needed when he was with me.

I once felt like his own personal sexual nanny, doing all the tedious chores in his life. After my 7-4 Job I was doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, dry cleaning, getting his kid, getting my kid, homework, playtime, holiday dinner cookings, cleaning up after his mutt, cleaning up after the kids, feeding them and bathing them and running errands on my days off for his business all while he worked till 6 sometimes 8 at night. The weekends became lonely, for he started being gone on those too, leaving me with the children. We lived together in his home but I still had my own home to tend to as well.

It wasnt always like that though, only towards the end and thats exactly what we became, an Ending. Before I left, I prayed for a higher power to show me what the truth really was and I couldn’t hold on anymore for the answers, I had to pack up and carry on with my own life instead of running his household and my own. I left 2 weeks before our anniversary.

We still spoke, placing blame back and forth for a month before I finally got those answers dropped into my lap, in the form of an electronic device linked to an iCloud. Everything came to a head with messages upon messages and pictures and emails from multiple people, male friends and female interests. I was able to keep this electronic device for days, because it was mine, and the messages kept coming in. Everything that I felt was wrong was in my hands, to prove I wasn’t crazy. I only kept it going for a few days, without letting him know, I KNEW. Finally I had to let it go and let us go, so I reset it. This was almost a year ago.

For days I wept, It was already over but I had the proof, finally, as why. I cant tell you exactly why I was crying, I do know that it was of relief and that of pain. Years I made my life about him and now, were nothing. He continued to claim the innocent life until my outburst of knowledge spewed out my mouth like vomit, I KNEW THE TRUTH AND THERE WAS NOTHING HE COULD DO…

XO B.K

 

to be continued.. ,,, (there is more to this story and please if it captivated you please press like) …

 

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