Horror the Size of a TeaCup

Does anyone remember those neat toy plastic hummingbirds, usually subtle pastel colors, that would balance on your finger? The beak would, gracefully, just sit on the tip of any finger you chose and have you in awe. I had two of these happy little fellas, one to play with, and the other to dissect.

I can remember loving the idea of hummingbirds for the longest. Their vibrant colors and tiny little bodies, who couldn’t right? They fly so gracefully with super speed and just don’t seem to bother anybody or anything. That is until you stand up from laying in the sun on your pool deck and accidentally hit their feeder. Then they turn vicious I tell you.

I spent a few seconds apologizing to this loan lil guy, for frightening him, while he was eating what my family left out for him. Im not to sure if he understood what I was saying at first, then things took a turn for the worse. He just sat there with his freakishly fast wings and pudgy little body, staring at me like I just caused a war. I wasn’t comfortable with the fact his beady little eyes were penetrating my soul but in the end how bad this be?

You know that sound that their wings make? Im convinced its how they communicate durning battle. He flew directly at the bridge of my nose and just sat there, floating. He sped up his wings and it began to make a high pitched whistle sound while I stood there paralyzed in fear. What seemed like minutes of being held hostage on the bottom of MY pool deck, this little shit head came in just a little bit closer with the tip of his obnoxiously long beak a hair away from the top of my nose.  If I would have been paying attention, I swear I would have heard him say charge because what happened next is uncalled for.

I slowly started to back away from this confrontational creature and he stayed right with me, then it came. WACK, something has the left side of my face with a strange familiar whistling sound. I look over my shoulder and I am being bombarded by these graceful monsters, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE. He’s done called his cousins, his aunties and now I have to defeat his extremely pissed off boss.

As I go screaming and running up the stairs towards my back door, they are relentless and faster than me, they are using their body as weapons and I’m beyond terrified. They have yet to give up and are still slamming their bodies into mine. Alls I can think is that they are going to stab me with the sword mouth and I am about to bleed out. I reach the sliding glass doors and am able to get in without them following.

Im ugly crying and my mother comes running down the hallway screaming towards me trying to figure out what’s wrong. I cant even speak. She looks through the glass and sees the dozen or so hummingbirds taunting me to come back out, she sees me, distraught and breaks into hysterical laughter.

Needless to say, I’m not to fond of these creatures anymore and I made my mom get rid of the feeder.